It's my party and I cry if I want to
Reclaiming my suffering.
Two weeks ago I was walking down 5th avenue in the wealthy Upper East Side in Manhattan and I noticed, in the windowsill of a beautiful old mansion, a little girl in a red dress sitting with her head in her hands. She looked so sad.
Later when I shared the image with a friend, he said "Poor little rich girl, crying in her castle". I felt the comment like a dagger in my heart, I was seeing myself in this child! It was then that I began to inquire:
Does a rich girl deserve less compassion than a poor girl?
Why is it so much easier to feel compassion for the homeless, the abused or the physically wounded?
Does one person experience more pain and suffering than another? Can pain be qualified or quantified?
Is inner suffering more or less legitimate than outer/physical pain?
Do we allow ourselves to feel pain as much as we allow ourselves to feel pleasure? Or are we pushing those feelings away not only because they are considered negative but also because maybe, just maybe, we feel like we don't have the right reason to have them?
I know that pain and suffering are a reality for everyone, and that every single person deserves the same compassion!!! Right?... Or not???
There is still a voice in the back of my head that judges every sorrow I feel and pushes it away declaring something like: "look at your life! you have so much to be grateful for! shake the pain off and go enjoy/be happy, make something of the privileges you've been granted".
Not only do I judge and push away my suffering, I also cover it with the heavy lid of guilt...
I share this with you now hoping it may be of benefit. If you ever judged your suffering like I do, perhaps we can wake up together and reclaim the right we inherently have to feel the complete scope of emotions available to us. After all, how can we even know about true happiness if we haven't truly felt pain in our hearts?
Perhaps it's possible to allow ourselves to surrender to pain, to hold space for it, to let it speak to us. I have been doing so and it turns out, pain is my friend and it always has a message for me. Something like: "you're taking too much responsibilities, beware of your limits" or "the words and actions of this other person are hurtful, don't take them so easily".
Perhaps the pain is not just pain, perhaps it is my heart...
What is your heart saying to you now?
May you find peace and connection in yourself and with your heart. May you and I be open to receive the infinite abundance of experience in this life, with its every colour, in its never ending depth.